Out of control

I dont know about you guys but when a situation feels completely out of my control I begin to feel anxiety in my body. A shaky feeling. A dark feeling. A fear deep within. 

In the last two months I have been focusing solely on that. I am learning through mediation & yoga to just breathe. When I first heard news of people storming the capital I was in front of a tv while eating. I couldn’t leave. It became the only thought that consumed my mind. I even dreamt about it last night. Dreamt about what I would do if I were in a building that was under attack. Where would I go? How would I protect myself & my loved ones? I swear it was an hour long nightmare in which I formed a plan of attack. It sucks to know some people feel like that everyday. I am truly saddened by the chaos. Needless to say, my body has been on the defense currently, so today I ground myself with yoga. My body, is literally the only thing I currently have control over, so I try as best as I know how to regain myself.

Regaining through yoga

Today I am on day 5 of the Yoga with Adrienne 30 Day Challenge on Youtube. (She is on day 7 but I am taking it at my own pace.) It is not an easy thing to commit to, but I am glad to be able to lay it all on the mat & just breathe. This challenge is called just that, “Breathe.” What a beautiful coincidence. These practices have been phycally challenging to me as I have not been in optimal shape the last few months. (I could feel bad but COVID happened so I’m really forgiving with myself lately.) 

Today’s practice was challenging in a different way, it was called “LISTEN”. Today was slower. More calm. Focused on paying attention inwards instead of the physical difficulty of it all, & boy did this throw me for a loop. It was hard to stay calm, not let the dark thoughts take over my mind. Coming back to the breathing I found myself fighting only myself to find the light within. I feel proud & grateful to be able to meet myself on the mat & gain control of myself again. The world is still a scary place out there. I don’t think we have ever lived in a world where it wasn’t a scary one. Of course injustices show us slowly & surely that some people live in a deeper fear always, but what we must remember is that although fear exists, so does light. ​

Take care of you

I urge you today, especially if you feel the anxiety, & the fear, to try to find your light. This light doesn’t mean everything is perfect, & nothing needs to be done or changed, but it tells us that we are ok, in this current moment. I find light through yoga, but meditation, a light jog, a calm book, or even a mantra might be your way to find your very own light. I think sometimes our biggest issue is not feeling or being ok, & thinking we’re in a good enough space to help others. Our world needs warriors to fight for one another, but we must first be strong, and able to stand strong ourselves. 

Below, I will link the current YouTube video I practiced today, as well as the mat & workout gear I use. If you feel the need for them, I hope you grab them, if not, I hope you find the best way for you to create a light in your own special way.

Yoga with adrienne 

2021 may not feel different yet, but I think it can be if we put in the work within. I hope to continue to help others, fight for injustices, build community, regain power where power belongs, but until I can I will focus on what I can control. What I do control: My mind, my body, my thoughts, & my light. Let me know how you regain control of yours below. Love y’all so much- Your sentimental friend- Seems <3