I dont know about you guys but when a situation feels completely out of my control I begin to feel anxiety in my body. A shaky feeling. A dark feeling. A fear deep within.
In the last two months I have been focusing solely on that. I am learning through mediation & yoga to just breathe. When I first heard news of people storming the capital I was in front of a tv while eating. I couldn’t leave. It became the only thought that consumed my mind. I even dreamt about it last night. Dreamt about what I would do if I were in a building that was under attack. Where would I go? How would I protect myself & my loved ones? I swear it was an hour long nightmare in which I formed a plan of attack. It sucks to know some people feel like that everyday. I am truly saddened by the chaos. Needless to say, my body has been on the defense currently, so today I ground myself with yoga. My body, is literally the only thing I currently have control over, so I try as best as I know how to regain myself.
Regaining through yoga
Today’s practice was challenging in a different way, it was called “LISTEN”. Today was slower. More calm. Focused on paying attention inwards instead of the physical difficulty of it all, & boy did this throw me for a loop. It was hard to stay calm, not let the dark thoughts take over my mind. Coming back to the breathing I found myself fighting only myself to find the light within. I feel proud & grateful to be able to meet myself on the mat & gain control of myself again. The world is still a scary place out there. I don’t think we have ever lived in a world where it wasn’t a scary one. Of course injustices show us slowly & surely that some people live in a deeper fear always, but what we must remember is that although fear exists, so does light.
Take care of you
I urge you today, especially if you feel the anxiety, & the fear, to try to find your light. This light doesn’t mean everything is perfect, & nothing needs to be done or changed, but it tells us that we are ok, in this current moment. I find light through yoga, but meditation, a light jog, a calm book, or even a mantra might be your way to find your very own light. I think sometimes our biggest issue is not feeling or being ok, & thinking we’re in a good enough space to help others. Our world needs warriors to fight for one another, but we must first be strong, and able to stand strong ourselves.
Below, I will link the current YouTube video I practiced today, as well as the mat & workout gear I use. If you feel the need for them, I hope you grab them, if not, I hope you find the best way for you to create a light in your own special way.
Yoga with adrienne
2021 may not feel different yet, but I think it can be if we put in the work within. I hope to continue to help others, fight for injustices, build community, regain power where power belongs, but until I can I will focus on what I can control. What I do control: My mind, my body, my thoughts, & my light. Let me know how you regain control of yours below. Love y’all so much- Your sentimental friend- Seems <3
Are you feeling lonely?
When I think about the entirety of this year, I am taken to many feelings. The biggest feeling I seem to simmer in is loneliness. In this very moment, it is easy to blame those around me for my loneliness, but if there is one thing I learned this year, it is that I can only control myself, my actions, my words, & my emotions. Everyone is dealing with their own uncertainty at the moment, & to expect them to cure our loneliness is to expect others to put us first. This year more than anything let us learn how to cure our own loneliness & move forward as better friends, better partners, & better people.
Feeling amazing & looking like you feel amazing are two very different things. In the reality of the world we live in, it’s easy to confuse the two. On days when you’re not feeling great, it’s too often we feel like we’re the only ones going through it. With everyone facetuning, highlighting only their best days, & real connections becoming more difficult due to CORONA, we can begin to feel like something is wrong with us when were not 100% happy every second of everyday. Although it is important to talk about how NO ON IS HAPPY 100% OF THE TIME, it is also important to talk about the things we should do when were not feeling 100%. This is a list of things I do when I’m having a bad day. Hope you find something valuable here.
As many of you may already know, I turned 31 this week. To say this has been a tough year would be an understatement. For many, this year tested our every fiber. As much as the panic, the pain, the uncertainty, & the confusion affected me, I choose to look at the positives this year has brought me. Not because I’m not aware of the hurt, the loss, the injustices that this year showed us, but because succumbing to the negatives means getting stuck in a place I just don’t think any of us deserve to be in. We made it y’all. We are here, able, living, breathing, triumphant, & we should never ever take that for granted again.
I never thought I’d find myself here. Feeling so happy about the uncertainty of tomorrow, but grateful for the opportunity to dream. I’ve always been such a planner. Defendant on knowing what tomorrow had in store. I used to think some people had it all figured out. The right jobs. The best clothes. The utmost confidence. This pandemic showed me no matter where you are, NOTHING is permanent, & the most important part is to look within. As I sit here & sip my iced latte, I cherish every drop. I look around at the small group in this coffee shop & I’m honored to get a little nod from a stranger, to make eye contact with a new friend, to sit by as others create, plan, learn grow. We’re distant, but not really anymore. We all went through it. We have all changed immensely. I am honored to exist, as we lost so many this year to something out of our control. I am honored to get to hug my mom, & see my nieces, & even let myself complain a little, knowing as soon as I do how silly it is, for I am still here. It is all an honor now. A gift from a random universe that prepares us for nothing & everything all at once.
When I think of my 31 years of life, I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend it. Surrounded by amazing people & showered by messages of those I cannot see. This year taught me to be grateful for myself. Maybe I needed all this to remind me that I am so capable. The only person who ever doubted me is ME. This year taught me to be grateful for the person who sees a million possibilities in tomorrow & doesn’t become fearful. I am ready to take on the day, each & everyday, knowing nothing is for certain, except my ability to feel. I am grateful to know who I really am & what I know I am capable of, for this crazy journey I’m on, & for the ability to love life despite its whirlwind nature. I am grateful for the lessons, the pain, the hurt, the exhaustion, the tears, the new beginnings, & the truly difficult endings. They have shown me what is real. What is valuable. What it is to truly love the life you live & truly be ok with all of lives inevitable changes.